If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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