you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
