I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
time to smoke my breakfast
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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