I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
