i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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