I wish my penis had an off switch
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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