Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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