how can u be prego again
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
