Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
