Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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