just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize