he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
