Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
