In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize