i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize