Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
