what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
