The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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