just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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