So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
