After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
