Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
