Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
