How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
