Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
