I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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