I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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