Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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