If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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