i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
