I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
