Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
