It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
