I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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