I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
