Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
