u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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