My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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