I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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