i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's not a walk of shame if you run
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
