u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
