the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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