But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
