the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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