I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
