I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
