her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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