i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
