What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
