It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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