I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
