At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
