Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
