get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
