oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
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