dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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