Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
