I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
