Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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