I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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