this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
