I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
