also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You are the jesus of drinking
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
