Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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