My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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