Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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