I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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